Wednesday, June 27, 2012
The Urge to Purge
Friday, June 22, 2012
Words
I have a more than working knowledge of 5 languages. I love languages. One language I always thought of as an ugly language is German. However it dawned on me today that two of my absolute favorite words are from the German language. Both words describe a feeling that I don't think can be covered with a word in any other language!
Schadenfreude - A feeling of pleasure derived from the misfortune of others. I admit to having this feeling on occasion. I see people who have been less than nice suddenly take their medicine and the feeling of 'yeah' washes over me! I admonish myself quickly but the feeling is noted!!
Sehnsucht - this is a harder word to define in English. Essentially it is a feeling of intense longing or yearning. Sehnsucht represents thoughts and feelings about all facets of life that are unfinished or imperfect, paired with a yearning for ideal alternative experiences. It has been referred to as “life’s longings”; or an individual’s search for happiness while coping with the reality of unattainable wishes. Such feelings are usually profound, and tend to be accompanied by both positive and negative feelings. This produces what has often been described as an ambiguous emotional occurrence.
It is sometimes felt as a longing for a far-off country, but not a particular earthly land which we can identify. Furthermore there is something in the experience which suggests this far-off country is very familiar and indicative of what we might otherwise call "home". In this sense it is a type of nostalgia, in the original sense of that word. At other times it may seem as a longing for a someone or even a something. But the majority of people who experience it are not conscious of what or who the longed for object may be, and the longing is of such profundity and intensity that the subject may immediately be only aware of the emotion itself and not cognizant that there is a something longed for. The experience is one of such significance that ordinary reality may pale in comparison.
I have this feeling often - longing for something I cannot put my finger on but knowing it is out there somewhere. It is usually accompanied by a deep sense of wanderlust!
Today is one of those days!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Mosser Cake Pedestals
I am not sure I have ever seen such a good price on these Mosser cake pedestals. The white and green 9inch plates are both just $12 each right now. You have to buy a minimum of two plates to get this price, but it is well worth it. These are classics!
Available from Bellacor
It's a little early for Valentines Day but.....
These little cards from Pottery Barn Kids are adorable. The scallop edges, the gingham envelopes, it all just makes me happy.
Available at Pottery Barn Kids
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Happy New year
Yay to 2012. 2011 was a hard in year in many ways. My husband spent most of the year away from home and it put a lot of strain on all of us. He is still deployed but we are hopeful that in just about 2 months, we get the 4th quarter of our circle home! There are many other changes afoot this year but as they mainly involve the US Navy, I know better than to believe in them until I see the orders written in stone!
From a personal standpoint, I hope to make 2012 a year of personal enrichment. I need to spend time on myself both physically and mentally. It has been a very stressful few years and I need to make myself a priority. I believe that will help me be a better mother and wife.
I have a list of resolutions and I hope to make at least a few of them become realities.
So cheers to 2012, lets make it a great one!
From a personal standpoint, I hope to make 2012 a year of personal enrichment. I need to spend time on myself both physically and mentally. It has been a very stressful few years and I need to make myself a priority. I believe that will help me be a better mother and wife.
I have a list of resolutions and I hope to make at least a few of them become realities.
So cheers to 2012, lets make it a great one!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Kitchen Aid
I love my Kitchen Aid Stand Mixers. Yes I said mixers. Apparently I am either a little harder on them than normal people, or I have been given duff mixers! Either way, it really doesn't matter as I cannot imagine a kitchen without a KA mixer in it. I first had a Professional model but after just a few uses, it blew up while I was trying to make bread! Then I went to the oh so pretty Artisan. This baby gave me some good work but alas she too went to that mall in the sky! Not sure what I did but the head came off and there was no putting it back. I now have an Architect (basically the Artisan with a cool paint job). I do love it but then I caught glimpse of the new Professional 7qt mixer! Aye Aye Aye! She can do many many things and I need her! Well, maybe not need, but surely want! Maybe one day soon!
Product available/image via Williams Sonoma
Product available/image via Williams Sonoma
Been a long time baby!
It has been a long time indeed since last I posted anything. Much has happened and cheery posts about pretty things have seemed a little silly. My husband deployed to the Persian Gulf (or Arabian gulf, or peninsular or whatever is the PC term this week) and has been gone for some months now. My daughter seems to have days when her autism is more challenging than others. We have been on a new therapy regimen and I am loving the results so far. However, the time investment has been a big one. We are slowly finding out new rhythm and I find that need to see and feel pretty returning! Back to coveting!!
Up first......
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Bon Appetit magazine
Seriously loving this magazine of late. I used to subscribe but let my subscription lapse as the magazine became (in my humble opinion) unreadable. Too many hard to find ingredients, too many overly complicated recipes and a general feeling the magazine thought of itself as elitist. Not my cup of tea. The last two issues have been outstanding. I have drooled over photographs, made a list of recipes to make and have actually read the issues from cover to cover. I know they have a new editor and it shows. Bravo. I may have to resubscribe!
Friday, May 13, 2011
What is Autism
I watched a preview of an NBC show, Parenthood, a few weeks ago.The preview shows two parents struggling with telling their son he has Aspergers. The son asks "What is Aspbergers?" to which the parents reply, "It's a form of autism". The son then asks "What is Autism?". This is met with uncomfortable silence. Since watching this preview, I have been asking myself that very question. What is Autism? The simple answer is that Autism is a Pervasive Developmental Disorder. However, there is nothing simple about it at all.
I have an 8 year old daughter who was diagnosed with Autism 6 years ago. I can remember absolutely every detail of the meeting with her Developmental Pediatrican and the Psychologist. I remember the placement of the toys in the room, the disarray of the desk and the generic posters on the wall extolling the virutes of ABC's. I remember looking at the Doctors uniform and comparing it to the psychologists civilian attire. I remember everything to the point where we were told that our daugher was autistic. I remember the lurching in my stomach and the feeling of wanting to throatpunch the idiots across from me but after that I remember nothing. I don't remember driving home or anything else about that day.
In the six years since that day, I have asked myself everyday, why? Why Alexandra? Why my beautiful, smart, wonderful girl? Why has she been ripped away from me. Why? I seldom ask What? But now I ask, What? What is Autism? That it is a spectrum means it is all different things to all different people. I can only speak to me. Autism to me is a sick game. It is a sneak who came into my daughters room when she was 17 months old and stole a piece of her from us. It stole our ability to communicate with her. It stole words from us. It stole hugs from us. It stole real eye contact from us. It stole Love from us. Autism is a sneaky thief who breaks into your heart and soul and steals random chunks of it. Then it really plays games. It starts to show you small glimpes of your child. Tiny fragments of the 'normal' child she once was. It shows you hope then quickly snatches it back seemingly laughing at you as it does. Autism is the monster under the bed. You cannot see it but it is there just waiting to take more.
Autism means always saying sorry. Apologising for your child blanking someone who is trying to talk to her. Apologising for the vase she smashed at a friends house when she became overwhelmed at a tv channel not being available to her. Apologising to the man in WalMart who she screams at because he has the audacity to be cheerfully whistling. It is saying sorry for not being able to attend certain functions because you know it will overwhelm her. Saying sorry to your other child that you are unable to attend his school open house because his sister has therapy that afternoon. Saying sorry to your other child because his sister destroyed his carefully crafted solar system.
Autism is never feeling balanced. Always feeling as though you are sacrificing quality in one area to give to another. Inadequate in parenting skills. Useless at advocating for your child. Lacking as a wife. Never feeling as though any one area of your life is in check.
Autism is being in a car constantly driving to therapies. Constantly guaging your childs mood to see if something is viable. Trying to circumnavigate any situation that may cause a meltdown.
Autism is a bitch.
I was once told that I needed to grieve and mourn for my child. Grieve for the loss of the child you thought you had. Mourn the removal of dreams and replace them with your new reality. On a good day, I refuse to do tihs. I refuse to accept less because she is autistic. I refuse to believe that she is not going to fulfill the Duke University/Med school dreams that I have for her. But on other days, I realise mourning may be the best thing for me.
My daughter is autistic. It took me the longest time to say that out loud and I still have issues saying it. She is so many other things. She is gifted in so many areas. She amazes me on a daily basis. But she is autistic and this will define her if we let it.
What is Autism? It is my enemy,my foe and one day, I hope to make it my bitch.
I have an 8 year old daughter who was diagnosed with Autism 6 years ago. I can remember absolutely every detail of the meeting with her Developmental Pediatrican and the Psychologist. I remember the placement of the toys in the room, the disarray of the desk and the generic posters on the wall extolling the virutes of ABC's. I remember looking at the Doctors uniform and comparing it to the psychologists civilian attire. I remember everything to the point where we were told that our daugher was autistic. I remember the lurching in my stomach and the feeling of wanting to throatpunch the idiots across from me but after that I remember nothing. I don't remember driving home or anything else about that day.
In the six years since that day, I have asked myself everyday, why? Why Alexandra? Why my beautiful, smart, wonderful girl? Why has she been ripped away from me. Why? I seldom ask What? But now I ask, What? What is Autism? That it is a spectrum means it is all different things to all different people. I can only speak to me. Autism to me is a sick game. It is a sneak who came into my daughters room when she was 17 months old and stole a piece of her from us. It stole our ability to communicate with her. It stole words from us. It stole hugs from us. It stole real eye contact from us. It stole Love from us. Autism is a sneaky thief who breaks into your heart and soul and steals random chunks of it. Then it really plays games. It starts to show you small glimpes of your child. Tiny fragments of the 'normal' child she once was. It shows you hope then quickly snatches it back seemingly laughing at you as it does. Autism is the monster under the bed. You cannot see it but it is there just waiting to take more.
Autism means always saying sorry. Apologising for your child blanking someone who is trying to talk to her. Apologising for the vase she smashed at a friends house when she became overwhelmed at a tv channel not being available to her. Apologising to the man in WalMart who she screams at because he has the audacity to be cheerfully whistling. It is saying sorry for not being able to attend certain functions because you know it will overwhelm her. Saying sorry to your other child that you are unable to attend his school open house because his sister has therapy that afternoon. Saying sorry to your other child because his sister destroyed his carefully crafted solar system.
Autism is never feeling balanced. Always feeling as though you are sacrificing quality in one area to give to another. Inadequate in parenting skills. Useless at advocating for your child. Lacking as a wife. Never feeling as though any one area of your life is in check.
Autism is being in a car constantly driving to therapies. Constantly guaging your childs mood to see if something is viable. Trying to circumnavigate any situation that may cause a meltdown.
Autism is a bitch.
I was once told that I needed to grieve and mourn for my child. Grieve for the loss of the child you thought you had. Mourn the removal of dreams and replace them with your new reality. On a good day, I refuse to do tihs. I refuse to accept less because she is autistic. I refuse to believe that she is not going to fulfill the Duke University/Med school dreams that I have for her. But on other days, I realise mourning may be the best thing for me.
My daughter is autistic. It took me the longest time to say that out loud and I still have issues saying it. She is so many other things. She is gifted in so many areas. She amazes me on a daily basis. But she is autistic and this will define her if we let it.
What is Autism? It is my enemy,my foe and one day, I hope to make it my bitch.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
May Day
Seems like a good enough day to revisit this blog. We shall see if I manage to visit on a regular basis. The Groom left again for an unspecified amount of time so it is just me and our offspring. Being a Navy (or any other branch of the armed services) wife is a frigging hard job! I have been doing it for almost 15 years and it does not get easier. It puts an enormous strain on a relationship and I believe that without a solid foundation, it can make a marriage crumble. Perhaps that is true of any marriage, but I think it is particularly true in a military marriage. Endless separation and true worry, coupled with being both parents and dealing with the childrens worries and emotions, makes it a life not for the weak and weary. I guess it is a good thing that I love him!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Goodbye tea for a wonderful friend
I threw a little tea party for a wonderful friend who was leaving for San Diego. Her favorite color is yellow and it was a gray February day so the theme was easy! Lemon cupcakes, angel food cupcakes, blueberry muffins and lots of daffodils. I will miss my friend.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Anatomy of a Lemon Meringue Cupcake
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